SL is down, and I feel restless. I have a million things on
my mind that I need to take care of (work on a store, terraform Arcana) and
can't do anything about it. So I've been trolling the fashion blogs, making a
list of all sorts of things to check out, and just being amazed by all the
stuff people come up with. The great thing about SL is that it's sort of like
visiting an art gallery, every time you log in. Since all the content is
created by the residents, everything you see was born from the brain of average
people. Some of it good, some of it bad....and some of it great and some of it
very, very bad! Nonetheless, I appreciate the creative outlet that it provides
people, me included. I hope that it will lead to more creative output, and
hopefully I'll tap into some well of talent buried deep in the recesses of my
brain. And this downtime has given my brain time to wander. Maybe because it's
nearly Valentines Day, that meandering has lead me to think about my state of
singleness.
Don't get me wrong - I love being single. Love, love, love it. I don't have to
call anyone to see what the plan is for dinner. I can make decisions on a
moments notice and not worry about it affecting anyone else. I'm not responsible
for anyone else, and that's how I like it. But I have to admit; sometimes it
would be really nice to have that person to lie on the couch with while
watching The Daily Show. Or to have someone to bring a bowl of cereal to while
climbing back into bed on a Saturday morning. I am so fortunate to have really
great roommates that include me on so much of what they do. But when I was
invited to have Valentines Day dinner with them, I felt a bit like a sad sack.
So where does that leave me? The answer is, I don't know. I'm really not
willing to give up my freedom and independence, yet I also know that I can't go
on being alone forever. Or next thing I know, I'll be 62, living with my cat
and spying on my neighbors.
There have been a lot of studies lately about the relationship state of women.
That for the first time, there are more women unmarried than married. Within my
age group, 28-34, the percentage of women that are married has dropped about
30% in the last 20 years. Granted that includes women who are cohabiting with
their significant others. But it makes me wonder if I want to live with someone
again. I certainly always liked living with exes, for a variety of reasons. But
something about having my own space is appealing. Hell, if I want to decorate
with flowers and potpourri, I'll do it! Okay, I totally wouldn't, but still,
the option would be nice. Then again, I haven't lived alone since the 90's, so
I could very well hate it.
*sigh*
That’s the constant internal struggle I have - my head and my heart in a
deadlock. And I find it terribly ironic that it's my head that would favor a
relationship and my heart that wants autonomy.
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